Husnü and Kökcü and me was checking the 'insurance' over on Cheap Street, hittin' up the grocers an' the other merchants to make sure they was payin' their percentage. Husnü, he's smart - he even learned how to read and write, and Kökcü is just big - most hooman, they see him comin' with his cudgel an' they shit themselves. Husnü got me because I'm good with a knife.

So we're shakin' down the butcher, an' Husnü sees there's a new storefront. Looks to be pretty busy, too, folks goin' in and out. We walk over, an' it's some hooman, skinny little guy, kind of old, too. He's wearin' green robes, like he's some kind of elf or somethin', and Kökcü starts to smile, 'cause he hates them elfs and he hates hoomans that suck up to 'em even more, and he's hopin' we get to do some smashin'. Old hooman, he gots this green tattoo in the middle of his head, an' I remember hearin' somethin' about those, but I can't remember what it is.

Husnü, he says, "Excuse me grandfather, but we're with the neighborhood welcoming committee, and we just noticed your new business, and wished to welcome you to our neighborhood of residence." Husnü, he's pretty smooth with the flowery talk.

The old hooman, he looks at us and he smiles and nods, "I am honored to meet you. This humble enterprise is not a business - I provide my services for free."

Husnü gives that big crooked smile of his that says he doesn't believe you and he says, "Perhaps, sir, you might be interested in purchasing some insurance. It just happens that we also provide fire and accident protection to those that desire to possess it."

"No. I thank you for your concern, but that will not be necessary." Kökcü starts to giggle, 'cause he knows what's comin' - it's funny, a big guy like that has such a little girly giggle, but you don't laugh at Kökcü for it. More than once, anyways.

Husnü nods, like the hooman's an elder an' he's listening to a judgement. "I see. I believe you misunderstand me, grandfather. This is a dangerous neighborhood, and we have only your best interests at heart. Our insurance is affordable and very, very effective - I can assure you that without it, your chances of being seriously injured or even killed are almost certain." he smiles then, that smile that makes hoomans hand over their coinpouches, and I loosen the knife in my belt and Kökcü, he's still giggling and he brings his cudgel up to his shoulder.

The hooman, though, he don't act scared or nothin'. He doesn't even take his eyes off Husnü, and he says, "That is not a concern of mine. I do advise you to cease your course of action, lest I inadvertantly deliver severe bodily harm to you."

Husnü laughs, and says, "What? You, a little hooman? You're not even the grass beneath my feet! Kökcü, be so kind as to show this hooman what we protect against."

Kökcü swings his cudgel down towards the old hooman, and suddenly he's smashed against the wall - Kökcü, not the hooman. The hooman's just standing there, with his legs all bent funny and Kökcü gets up and yells, "Little hooman! Kökcü will eat you!" and then he charges and the old hooman's arms are a blur and then Kökcü's on his knees making these little gagging noises and his eyes are bulging and he's holding his crotch. Then Kökcü reaches for the old hooman and then he screams and his fingers are all bent funny and he keels over. That old hooman, he straightens up and says, "I apologise for the damage to your large friend, but as you can see, I am more than able to provide whatever protection I need."

Husnü pulls his knife out, and I draw mine. Kökcü can be kind of slow, but when Husnü and I come at someone from both sides, we put them down like a steppe fire on a grass dragon. I'm still tryin' to remember what it is about those green tattoo things like the hooman's got on his face when there's this green blur and my arm hurts - a LOT - and there's this crackly snapping sound and another green blur and I hear Husnü make a gurgly noise and then the old hooman's standing over by the door and smiling that same stupid smile and I look down and my arm is bent in two or three new places and Husnü, he's lying there holding his throat and I can see it's been crushed.

The old hooman, he says, "Please accept my most sincere apologies. I left you your voice so that you might inform your friends that while I appreciate your kind desire to protect me from harm, I am more than capable of caring for myself." And then I finally remember where I learned about them green tattos and it's those hoomans what go live in the forest with them wild elves that got that way of fightin' without weapons, and my Grandfather told me a long time ago that if I ever saw one of them to just walk away quick and don't worry about lookin' like a coward.

Wish I'd remembered that earlier.

I don't collect the insurance any more - I got me a nice safe job here cleaning the streets - and Kökcü, he starts cryin' if he sees anything green at all. Husnü got buried by the gang with full honors, and no one goes near that old guy's place at all any more. The other merchants, they're gettin' kind of uppity, sayin' they don't need to pay as much, and since the hooman had his little talk with the Boss, the old gang's kind of moving into other lines of work.